Jobs That Don’t Suck My Soul, God I Hate My Job


Photo Credit: The Unemployed Misfortune

 Top Tips Revealing That I Hate My Job

I hate my cubicle. I hate the jerk in the cubicle next to me. I hate everyone in all the cubicles on this floor. I am so close to walking in here one day with a gun and clearing out some of the problems with this job. However, since I know I would likely end up being someone’s bitch in prison, I do everything in my power to make it through another miserable day in this dungeon.

Here’s a look at why I hate it here and how to tell I suck at my job.

1 – The Hours

Okay, I know. When I graduated from high school I had some kind of expectation that I’d be working steady at one point in my life. I didn’t really expect that to translate to eight hours a day, five days a week. I was shooting for something along the lines of five hours a day three or four days a week. This 40-hour work week is horrible. It’s not even fun at any point in the week.

2 – The Weekends

The days off I get are not even on the weekend and rarely are they two days back-to-back. That really tears it up when you want to go out and get plastered because it’s a day off and it happens to be a Tuesday. Who gets Tuesdays off? It’s stupid. Plus, one day off is not nearly enough to get plastered and recover before having to get stuck in that cramped, smelly cubicle again.

3 – The People

I hate everyone in this building. I don’t talk to anyone in the elevator, cafeteria, staff washroom or anywhere. That’s because no one here speaks to you unless they want something. Usually that something involves extra hours with no extra pay. I am not going to fall for that again. The first five times were okay, but now I know what’s going on and it won’t happen to me again.

4 – The Meetings

I think one reason why I hate my cubicle so much is that all of us in cubicles spend far too much time in meetings discussing stupid things. Yesterday it was to decide whether or not we should sing Happy Birthday in Spanish as well as English on staff birthdays. Who cares? I don’t want to learn the Spanish words unless they say something like “this is going to be your last birthday.”


5 – The Management

The dolts I work for don’t know how to tell I suck at my job because they actually suck more at it than I do. They claim to have the book smarts but we all know that most of them either slept their way to management or were handed the jobs on the promise of some quality sleeping with staff options on those out of town conferences none of us cubicle people get to go on.

6 – The Pay

Actually, I have nothing to bitch about here. Typically the job you hate the most pays reasonably well so the complaints are usually about things that aren’t related to wages. I get regular raises, good benefits and access to a health club on the second floor of the building. Now that I think of it, I hate my cubicle but I don’t hate my pay check. Hmm, I think today’s payday.

7 – The Computers

Well, again, I don’t really have a lot of bad things to say here, either. Sure, the company keeps us using the best computers with the most up-to-date software and sends us out to get regular upgrades when the computers do as well. I can’t play Solitaire anymore because there’s some kind of tracking software in my computer but it does a good job of keeping my email in order.

8 – The Building

It’s a state-of-the-art facility. There are security measures in place everywhere. I can’t fart without three or four departments getting a memo about it. Aside from that massive chunk of paranoia, I feel pretty safe working here. That’s because no one is going to be able to smuggle in a gun. Anthrax, however, is a slightly different matter that doesn’t show on x-ray scans.


What Can I Do To Fix My Situation?

Aside from looking for jobs that don’t suck? Hey, there are millions of them and I think that’s why I’ve never actually jumped ship in the fifteen miserable years I’ve worked here. Any job that involves a room full of cubicles is going to be the same as this one. The only difference is that the view is going to be slightly different. I’ll still have corpsie-grey skin regardless.

My Advice To You

Don’t let my stories of sunshine and roses change your mind about becoming someone’s designated worker drone. You may actually enjoy it. In fact, I strongly suggest you give it a try to see whether or not it really is your calling. At the very least, you’ll get a good idea of what kind of job you won’t want for the rest of your life so you can dodge that bullet.

However, working in a cubicle has its advantages. Naturally, I can’t think of any right now off the top of my head but I’m sure there are a few pluses to this kind of monotonous work pattern. The chairs are kind of comfy if you get one of the older models that are not ergonomically designed. The old school chairs also stand up to much more abuse and can crack open a vending machine.

How To Actually Fall In Love With Your Cubicle

Two words: Count the hours. It’s true. If you can manage working in a cubicle because you have something to look forward to once you get out of it for the day, then you’ve licked it. All you need to do is have the right attitude to get you through the day, the week and the month. Once you master that, working in a cubicle will lead you to bigger and better things.

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