What not to do; and where not to go, while on Ganja!

ganja-girl

ganja-girl

 

 

 

What not to do; and where not to go,
while on Ganja!

I’m talking about the city. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The city. There’s a city called Ganja in the country Azerbaijan. No, I’m for real. Check this out yourself.

So while visiting Ganja city, there’s a cluster of strict rules people should follow, to stay safe. It’s not mandatory, but it’s recommended by #HowToWhatever, the greatest blog on Earth.

WHAT NOT TO DO WHILE VISITING GANJA CITY?

  • Don’t talk to cops. Never talk to cops.
    Usually talking to cops is fine. They’re people too, right? And there are super cool straight up cops. I have copper-friends myself. But while in Ganja, don’t. You can get into trouble. Cops are not your friends when you’re in Ganja city. They’re working, you’re not. You’re a tourist in a foreign land. Stay someplace safe. Like home…your car.
  • Don’t drink. Don’t ever drink.
    Listen. Ganja city is enough of an interesting city. Why do you want to visit more places? What’s up with the obsession? Drinking alcohol or taking drugs while in Ganja, you can worsen your own health. Same with mixing alcohols. You can’t just go and mix vodka, beer and liquors in the same night. You’re probably going to get alcohol poisoning, or if not, you’re gonna have a hell of a ruff day the next day you wake up.
  • Don’t talk too much.
    We people are a social species. We love to communicate. Even if we claim we’re anti-social, we still have some sort of a communication going on. Child abusers have the chats where they’re anonymous and communicate with innocent kids. The serial murderers have their victims. They talk to them. I know. Everyone wants to get heard. But while in Ganja city, shut the fuck up. Just shut it. You can say things you’ll later regret. Speaking from a personal experience. Also, don’t do gifts. Some people start liking everyone so much all of a sudden. And they’ll later regret the random expensive gift they just gave to a random person on the streets.
  • Don’t do math. Seriously, don’t.
    Trying to solve sophisticated mathematical problems is the last thing you want to do while in Azerbaijan, Ganja city. The brain won’t function correctly, and men can’t even multitask. So you’re gonna get things messed up pretty badly. Yes, you can do music and paint. You can art. But you can never math.
  • Don’t carry too much money on you, and don’t carry expensive electronics.
    No, I’m not underestimating your ability to keep your shit together. But I’m underestimating your ability to understand how biology works and how we humans have zero control over our brain functions when our electrical waves are impaired. You can lose expensive stuff and you won’t remember where. When in Ganja city, everything’s a movie. And you’re watching randomly selected scenes from a badly cut film. Don’t carry things on you that you don’t want to lose and won’t get over them if you do. Carry a beater phone, a few dollars, and your ID.
  • Don’t fight. Don’t get into arguments.
    Because you’re going to fail miserably. People say you’re gonna get the high boost and become a fierce warrior, but the only thing that’ll happen is your coordination will be impaired, and when in Ganja city, you’ll have the sound and probably the color hallucinations. Depends on the amount of Ganja you took. You could even have more severe symptoms, like nausea, heavier hallucinations, drowsiness. Don’t get your ass kicked in a fight.

WHERE NOT TO GO IN GANJA CITY?

  • When under the influence of Ganja city, don’t go swimming on the beach, especially at night.
    I’m not disputing your ability to swim, because you may very well be the swimming champion of the world, but when in the Ganja, don’t. Especially at night on unregulated beaches without lifeguards. A swift tide can pull you towards the sea and you can say goodbye to mamma.
  • Don’t climb anything, buildings, etc.
    Understand and remember this. Ganja is your friend. Ganja is to help you escape. Ganja is to enlighten you. Ganja is to help you go through your problems easily and give you strength. Ganja is not to make you Spider Man. If you want to parkour around the block, now’s not the time, dumbass.
  • Don’t travel long distances, to other towns or cities.
    Yes, you can drive. Especially if you have “training”. But going on a long distance, or even at night which is notably worse, you must be a complete moron. Because if a truck driver falls asleep and swings his 20-ton truck towards your pretty soft neck, it will break your neck like a dry German pretzel, and you won’t even understand what just happened because of greeny-green Mary awesome Jane.
  • Don’t visit your parents, or your GF or wife’s parents.
    Please, don’t make a fool outta yourself. Don’t embarrass yourself. You may think for a second you have the world at your hands, but it’s a false sense of security and power that’ll play a bad joke at you. You’re incompetent at making a good judgment when visiting the Ganja, Azerbaijan.
  • Don’t go to work if you’re not self-employed, or if people depend on you.
    I’m a writer. I stay in my office, I chill, I write. Don’t look at me. Don’t. I can smoke the whole world. You can’t. If you’re a doctor, you can’t while you’re on the job. You can get in jail, but that’s the least of your problems. The moral values, they matter. They make us who we are. Morals help us to not be animals.
  • Don’t go to the Zoo.
    This might sound retarded and like a super corny joke, but it’s real. A guy from my old city, the idiot hit a few blunts and then he decided to muscle with the bear. The bear didn’t perceived his hostile behavior as normal, and as you can already imagine, rekt the shit out of him. Rest in peace, unknown stoner person.

And we hate people to tell us what not to do. So what can we do?

Have sex, because it’ll multiply by 50 times. Play games. Have fun. Dance. Listen to some music, loud music, because the music will now sound not like a Dolby 7.1, but like a Dolby From Another Dimension 50.50

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Top #15 Wicked Horror Movies (Will Make You Shit Your Pants)

Photo Credit: www.the80smovieclub.co.uk 

Old but good, like they say.


For some of you this would be the “Top #10 Horror Movies to Watch Again”, but it doesn’t really matter. It’s worth it after all. The title refers to both women and men, both children and adults. And let’s be honest here, who doesn’t love to shit his pants from time to time? Extreme sports are so popular for a reason. People absolutely love to feel SCARED. And even boring people love ADRENALINE. Because we need to let off the pressure once in a while. We drive fast cars, boats, we do martial arts, we did all sorts of stupid shit when we were kids, and we continue doing stupid shit so we can only VENT.

And you also don’t want to get the CANCER, because introverts are more likely to get ill or develop a mental illness; even extroverts. Excess negative emotions are like poison to our organisms and are slowly harming us, without we even knowing it. So if you’re not into extreme sports, from time to time you need to watch a sick scary movie and totally shit your pants. Fill your pants with a bit of brown-brown. You’ll feel better, we promise.

And no, watching movies, even horrors, is NOT an unpleasant emotion. If it was, nobody was going to watch them, and let me tell you, brother, business is a boomin’! Producers and movie production corporations are launching new and cooler blockbusters every day, and almost every single modern Sci-Fi movie has a lot of jumpscares, so really almost all expensive movies fall under the “horror” genre as well.

Take PROMETHEUS featuring Michael Fassbender and Noomi Rapace for example. And the sequel to the first part — ALIEN: COVENANT, again with the German legend Michael Fassbender. Combining best of the two worlds — a good amount of Sci-Fi paired with “shit your pants” type of horror. These two movies are absolutely sick. That’s why these two honorably take the #1 in our Top #15 list. We’re putting the two movies in one place…so we can open up more space for more sick films.

1. PROMETHEUS (2012) + ALIEN: COVENANT (2017)

 

 

 

 

 

photo credit: www.denofgeek.com 

The story basically tells us about the creation of humanity. A group of advanced aliens created the first man. Then, somewhere in time, for unknown reasons, they decided to wipe humanity from the face of the Earth. That didn’t go well. The aliens were going to use the bio weaponry but they unsuspectingly activated the biological warfare payload which ended their mission and so they never killed the humans. Years later, probably thousands of years later, an expedition in open space, by humans, finds a planet, and finds all the truth. And then something gruesome happens. I’m not going to tell you more. But the movies are sick. You categorically have to watch them.

2. 28 DAYS LATER (2002) + 28 WEEKS LATER (2007)


 

 

 

 

 

photo credit: www.contentful.com 

Zombies, man. Zombies. And these Zombies are fucking fast, not like the ones in The Walking Dead or other non-realistic film productions. And the Zombies in this British movie are faster than humans. They’re ferocious, even more ferocious than Mike Tyson in his prime. So much action. The movies are super dynamic. The soundtrack on both of the movies is a masterpiece. The movies deserve to get some high watchtime only because of the soundtrack itself. Sends you the message “It’s really over, isn’t it?”. It’s also featuring big names like JEREMY RENNER (Avengers, The Bourne Legacy, Mission: Impossible, The Town, The Hurt Locker, Wind River, etc).

3. DEAD ALIVE (1992)


photo credit: www.thegoresplatteredcorner.com 

For sure, a gory movie not for everyone. It’s wrong on so many paragraphs. You won’t expect what’s coming to you. The sickness level is too high with this one. Listen to this plot. A young man’s mother is bitten by a rat-monkey. She gets sick and dies, at which time she comes back to life, killing and eating dogs and nurses. Wow. Prepare yourself for some really hardcore bloody bloodshed. Classic.

4. THE SKELETON KEY (2005)

Inspired by true events. A mind blowing horror that’ll keep you on your toes until the very end. This unknown for many movie is such a great horror because it is so UNJUST. And the pressure is actually on a very high level during the whole production, which can’t be seen very often. Made from the creator of the movie K-PAX (starring Kevin Spacey and Jeff Bridges), you can expect high quality content with this one too! The Skeleton Key movie is about voodoo magic, African magic, and all that spooky stuff. The ending is terrifying and it will make you shit your pants big time.

5. THE BABADOOK (2014)

This is probably my personal favorite. Because it made me shit my pants so hard, man. So hard, legend has it, I still have shit stains on my white boxers. The Babadook is an Aussie (Australian) legend, and people say it’s actually real; a real true story. Basically you open up a book, a specific book, and once you open that book, something like a pamphlet really, you release something very dark and creepy, a demon of some kind. And this thing, human-ish looking, has this huge claws… Man, so big and so fucking sharp, Freddy Krueger’s nails look like baby fingers compared to the Babadook. And the Babadook thing was only snucking itself through the shadows. It was lurking in the dark, and then slowly pulling himself out of the shadows. And the voice it had. Bone-chilling. Don’t watch this movie with YOUR KIDS! It can, and most certainly it will, seriously damage any child’s nervous system. Watch with a hot girl, GF or wife so she can tightly snug into you. Because she’ll be shitless scared.

6. THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD (1985)

photo credit: www.wickedhorror.com 

A classic American horror comedy film. The film tells the story of how a warehouse owner accompanied by his two employees, mortician friend, and a group of teenage punks, deal with the accidental release of a horde of brain-hungry zombies onto an unsuspecting town. The film is known for introducing the popular concept of zombies eating brains, as opposed to just eating human flesh, like previous zombie masterpieces. Some people say that’s the greatest sick movie of all times. You decide yourself. If you haven’t watched it, go and do it.

7. WRONG TURN (ALL THE FILM SERIES)

photo credit: www.wallpapercave.com

This one might not be so scary for the die hard horror fans out there, but it’s an absolute vintage classic from the modern age times, and it must be seen by everyone! Or seen again! The first part is obviously the best one, which is a pattern with movies lately. Good movies are ruined after the writers’ ideas run out, but the producers want to keep manufacturing movies nevertheless. The Wrong Turn movies are about a bunch of hillbilly creeps that live in no man’s land, deep in the woods, can’t even fucking walk properly, but like human flesh for some kooky reason, and eat people, boil them and shit. Medical student Chris Flynn (Desmond Harrington) drives through the mountains of West Virginia on his way to a business meeting, but a chemical spill on the road ahead forces him to take a different route. After being distracted for a moment, he collides with another car that is stopped in the middle of the road since its tires have been punctured by a piece of barbed wire. And this is how it starts. Watch it! These bow waving, knife slashing, axe wielding inbred mothefuckers will help you not sleep tonight. Or maybe sleep like a baby. It depends. Second, third and fourth parts are pretty good too.

8. THE HILLS HAVE EYES (2006) + THE HILLS HAVE EYES II (2007)

photo credit: www.wescraven.com 

Again a bunch of crazed inbreds killing a group of soldiers, then severing their arms and legs and eating them, then taking the women, raping the female American soldiers. The inbred were so sleazy, dirty, smelly, disgusting, that made the sex scenes so insanely twisted. Yeah, there was sex scenes! Gruesome, blood-soaked, and in the same time — kind of funny and fascinating. The first part earned exactly $15.5 million in its opening weekend in the U.S., where it was originally rated NC-17 for strong gruesome violence. And the other part was about a nuclear site in Nevada or whatever, and because the inbreds refused to leave their homes, or just the military wasn’t aware that people still lived there, these creeps mutated and started eating people. I don’t remember which part was which, but you can watch them in the order they were released. The sights are pretty awesome too. Action is in the desert… Desolate. Deserted.

9. GHOST SHIP (2002)

Every time I watch this movie, I enjoy it more and even more! It’s a good super creepy horror that I don’t think is a let down at all. Ghost Ship is an exciting supernatural thriller that delivers some frightening chills. The story follows the crew of a salvage vessel that discovers a derelict passenger liner that went missing in 1962, however it turns out not to be as deserted as they thought when they start seeing the ghosts of dead passengers. Opening scene… I’m telling you, opening scene makes it a well-worth watch.

10. SILENT HILL (2006)


Composed around a series of blackouts and disgusting moments, Silent Hill is one surrealistic piece of craft and it will hopefully drive you to impressive nightmares. And the movie is based on true events. Desolate roads, gas and smoke coming out of the ground, people sinking into the ground – no this isn’t a description of a scene from a horror film. It’s every day life in Centralia, Pennsylvania, a wrecked abandoned town that’s been on fire since the year 1962. And Centralia is still on fire! A haunting event that inspired people to make a movie out of it. It was a coal mining town. By the 1950’s, around 2,000 people lived in Centralia. Then in May of 1962, the mine caught fire. The fire was believed to have started when the town decided to burn the trash at the landfill. The trash fire traveled through an opening in the mine where it ignited the large coal deposits below. Feeding off of coal and the oxygen traveling through the mine shaft openings on the surface, the fire only became bigger. For the next 16 years, the town attempted to extinguish a fire just below their feet. But no matter how hard they tried, another bunch of toxic smoke and fire came out of the ground. An atmospheric, disturbing and bloody movie, same as the harsh reality around this place.

11. ORPHAN (2009)


Bloody wicked movie. You can kind of feel the spirit of the 70’s through the TV, even if the action unravels in modern times. It’s different. Chilling and brilliantly made movie. The movie while not the bloodiest of all horrors, there are moments where the tension builds insanely and you’re suddenly found on the edge of your seat. A very unsettling movie. I personally didn’t expect what happened at the end. Nothing supernatural, just reality, and a very, very sick plot.

12. HOSTEL (2005)

photo credit: www.horrorfreaknews.com

After watching this movie, you’ll never stay at a hostel somewhere abroad, and you’ll never probably travel to Europe, or Eastern Europe anyways! The movie is shot in the Eastern European country called Czechia, or the Czech Republic. In reality, it’s shot there. But in the movie, the action is happening in a country called Slovakia, which is basically the same, since there was a country called Czechoslovakia, not so while ago. Czechoslovakia existed during the Nazis, during the Communism, and way before these two regimes, de facto. If you never watched this movie, you missed so much! Director: Eli Roth, also known as the Bear Jew, from the Inglourious Basterds. He’s the director of the well known movie Cabin Fever from 2002, and a co-director of the chef d’oeuvre — the Inglourious Basterds. It starts out as a stupid sex comedy film for a while before things get uncomfortable and superbly and unbearably cruel. In the last minutes the film goes super crazy, super cruel. But you don’t mind watching someone’s eye hanging out of their socket, correct?

13. HOUSE OF WAX (2005)

photo credit: www.thewolfmancometh.com

Warner Bros. Pictures. Box office: $32,000,000. Hell of a movie. A road trip to the biggest college football championship of the year takes a turn for a bunch of college kids. Really great horror film. And there’s a wax museum in the movie. There’s something really creepy in the wax museums, don’t you agree? And the fighting scenes are wicked. A lot of bloody fighting scenes. Oh, yeah. And Paris Hilton got killed. The real Paris Hilton. Slow paced, but quite entertaining movie.

14. SHROOMS (2007)

photo credit: www.thewolfmancometh.com


Girls, drugs, sex, and something went wrong. Filmed in Ireland. Truly scary and very dark disturbing movie. A real thriller since there’s no way you can guess how it ends. If you liked Wrong Turn, you’ll love the Shrooms.

15. 1408 (2007)

photo credit: www.filmschoolrejects.com 

 

Renowned horror novelist Mike Enslin believes only in what he can see with his own two eyes. After a string of bestsellers and debunking and making fun about paranormal events in the most infamous haunted houses and graveyards around the world, he has no real proof of anything and he’s arrogant. And because of his arrogance — he’ll pay. A genuinely disturbing breathtaker. This exciting film is based on the terrifying story by Stephen King. 1408 become the highest-grossing horror film of Stephen King’s career. And if you were in the place of the main character, you would probably shit your pants hard. Watch it. Stephen King is no joke, fellas.

And by the way…

All movies were randomly sorted, so the #1 is not the best, and the #15 is not the worst; but they are all the same — weird and disturbing. And don’t forget to come back and comment, what made you flinch.

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How to prepare for the upcoming collapse (The Apocalypse)?

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hunger-games

How to prepare for the upcoming collapse(The Apocalypse)?

 

There was a book I read. The book was made by James Wesley Rawles, who is a best-selling American author, best known for his survivalist-genre.

Patriots: A Novel of Survival in the Coming Collapse.

America faces a full-scale socioeconomic collapse — the stock market plummets, hyperinflation cripples commerce and the mounting crisis passes the tipping point. Practically overnight, the fragile chains of supply and high-technology infrastructure fall, and wholesale rioting and looting grip every major city.

As hordes of refugees and looters pour out of the cities, a small group of friends living in the Midwest desperately tries to make their way to a safe-haven ranch in northern Idaho. The journey requires all their skill and training since communication, commerce, transportation and law enforcement have all disappeared. Once at the ranch, the group fends off vicious attacks from outsiders and then looks to join other groups that are trying to restore true Constitutional law to the country.

The most interesting thing inside the book was the invasion. After the first wave of looting and civil unrest, the invasion happened. The invading force was consisted of NATO forces and the main purpose of the invasion was to break the free spirit of the American people and force them into supporting some weirdos. The weirdos wanted to exploit the people, take all their guns, you know, the regular stuff. The main wave was consisted of Germans (German NATO forces), then the Belgians came. All of them had armored vehicles and heavy machinery. And big guns.

So is this scenario really believable?

Trump wants to jump on North Korea. Hurricanes have been harassing us for years. Earthquakes around us in Mexico. Global warming. Terrorists bomb France, Germany, England and Russia. And that’s just for the last 6 months. Just imagine what will happen in the next 5 or 10 years. So yes, a collapse is very possible. At least an economic collapse and the fall of the US dollar. And marauders will come after that.

The world seems it’s coming to an end.
Should we be concerned?

Yes, you should. People have been building bunkers and underground facilities even from the Iron Age. They used caves then. Prehistoric people used to dig up caves and holes in the ground and hide their wives and children there while on the hunt or when at war. Every President has his own bunker now, etc.

It’s not a craze. It’s crucial for survival. Other extravagant people have towers, and tree houses are becoming more trending with the years. It’s easy to build a house tree out of wood, and you can hide it pretty good from bad people. The natural camouflage of the trees and forests will work in your advantage too.

People will think I went full looney bin crazy.

Being a “survivalist” could make you look like a crazy hobo. Like everything else that’s not suited for “city boys and girls”. People have a perception for “normal”, and for the average hillbilly, you wearing a suit and tie could mean the very same thing. But if you hide your intentions and quietly prepare for SHTF (when S h*t H its T he F an), I don’t think you’d have a problem.

Also, it’s very important to hide your intentions anyways, if you’re prepping. Because being a “prepper” will make you a number one target for 2 main reasons:

1. You could be a threat to someone if you’re well armed and trained. Greater threats are firstly
eliminated.
2. Having resources, food, water, firearms, ammo, knives, technology, clothes, vehicles that can be taken
from you.

Why would anyone want to steal from me? We have guns. We will shoot.

For the same reason the prisons are full. Not all stupid people are bad, but maybe 50% of the stupid people on this world are arrogant. And high arrogance leads to uncalculated decisions. The perp is mainly driven by his clouded judgment that he’s superior and will win at all times. Sometimes “with the help of God”.

I can give you a fine example immediately. Hitler invaded Russia and declared war on the United States, both at the same time. He clearly was thinking he could win the war and put Russia on its knees and then the US would just “resign”. That’s clearly delusional. You can’t just win a war against the whole world incl. against a whole bunch of European countries, Canada, Australia and many other.

Power leads to biased judgments, people.

How to start preparing?
What should I buy?

You’ll need the so called “Go-bag” or a “Bug-out bag”, also called the “BOB”. That backpack, pack or satchel normally has the items you would require to survive for at least 72 hours. Or you can stuff it and survive for more than 72 hours. It’s a personal choice. The bag must be always fully equipped so you can quickly grab it and escape. If there’s an earthquake, you need to react fast. You don’t have time to pick up your clothes or make sandwiches!

#HowToWhatever recommends you keep these items in your home, or at your bunker / tree house / man cave, starting from top to bottom in the order of importance from high to low priority:

1. Cold Steel folding knife with a Tri-Ad Lock locking mechanism. Preferably something bigger like the Cold Steel Rajah II or the Cold Steel Spartan. You can also pick up a Busse fixed knife with INFI steel. Swamp Rat and Scrap Yard are fine too, since it’s basically the same company, but a different division. It’s a family run company and a few of the family members have the other divisions. The price is a tad high, but for a reason. The heat treatment on these is insane. You can’t break them. Nobody does. Doesn’t matter how cold it is. You can’t dull that easily either. Cold Steels are also insane. Andrew Demko’s patented design is something you have to bow down to! The folding knife now becomes a fixed blade.

You can survive without a duct tape, but you can’t survive without a knife. You need to be able to cut bandages, cut tape, cut sailcloth, clothes, fabric, chop wood, dig ground, while it’s not so recommended because sand can, and it will dull your blade out; and for self-defense and hunting of course.

Get a spare knife too. You need 2, just in case, if you lose it or if it breaks.

P.S. The Swamp Rat Ratmandu is a good affordable model. Not too big to carry.

The Finnish people have a proverb saying: “A knifeless man is a lifeless man.”

2. Powerful flashlight with around 1,000 or more lumens of power. You can pick any of the renowned brands: NiteCore, JetBeam, Olight, Fenix, Klarus, EagleTac, etc. that use Li-Ion Rechargeable 18650 batteries. The high quality batteries are expensive, but if you want your flashlight to function properly, get expensive like NiteCore, Olight, EagleTac, etc.

Get a spare flashlight if the first one malfunctions. I had a ZebraLight that stopped working after a week of light usage. A manufacturer defects happen even within the best products. Do you really think Rolex watches don’t malfunction? Come on!

3. Charger for your batteries. You can buy the Nitecore Digicharger D4 charging device. It can simultaneously charge up to 4 big batteries. And buy spare 18650 batteries for your flashlights. The Digicharger is very well made.

4. A pistol, rifle, carbine, whatever you can get your hands on. Don’t have too much because you won’t be able to carry it. A pistol like the H&K USP in .45 or 9×19 and a single AR-15 carbine is fine. And ammo. Get ammo!

5. Silver and gold. I’m not sure why, but even “aliens used to collect it”, some people say. Gold is one the best electrical conductors on Earth and it has very high corrosion resistance. Silver is the best electrical conductor (conductivity refers to the ability of a material to transmit energy). So not only silver has the highest thermal conductivity of any element, but it also has the highest light reflectance. You can buy investment gold or silver. They sell those in the form of bars, coins, and others. You can trade that for other goods like guns or food. People will always need gold and silver, even unbelievers that think gold and silver are worthless junk. They will want it because secretly they will believe when the collapse ends soon, they’ll be rich. And if the collapse never ends, these are still precious metals. Your computer and smartphone have a few grams of gold and silver probably. All the motherboards and circuit boards have it.

6. Medicine and antibiotics. Clearly you’ll need that. While viral infections go on their own and you can’t treat them with anything than Tamiflu (Oseltamivir), you’ll still need antibiotics for the bacterial infections that constantly attack our bodies. During a collapse, the hygiene will be at a very low in specific areas and regions, many people won’t have the opportunity to shower, so that’s why you will need medicine. The Tamiflu by the way is pretty expensive and is an antiviral medication used to treat and prevent only influenza A and influenza B. Just get standard antibacterial antibiotics and vitamins.

7. Good bag and backpack like the Maxpedition. You need a good strong bag with thick stitches so your stuff won’t fall out. The last thing you want is to leave your stuff out in the open, free for people. Yes, there are more expensive options out there, but Maxpedition is fine for most of the people. And the really advanced preppers like military, ex-military and special forces probably won’t be reading this articles for life tips, so. You can get the Maxpedition Falcon or Condor bag, and get an additional Maxpedition Doppelduffel bag. The Doppelduffel can also be carried as a regular backpack (it has straps).

8. Robust off-road SUV for heavy terrain. You’ll need to get out as soon as possible. Out of town. You’ll need to get your family out. Regroup with friends or other known groups. Walking by foot is something really retarded. You will most certainly meet other people that can end you then and there. A short chaotic burst of AK47 rounds is a 99.9% sure way to put you down for good. You get shot in the hand, you’re done. It will infect, it will cause you massive pain, you’ll bleed, you won’t be able to hold a weapon, prepare food, or chop wood. You’re proper done, mate.

So get a vehicle.

#HowToWhatever recommends the Mercedes-Benz G-Wagen (older models from 1985–1999). The G-Wagon is the only vehicle that comes with 100% locking differentials out of the factory. It’s heavy, it has solid and even more heavier metal bumpers, it’s a massive car built for the German Army. The company that does the G-class is the Austrian Magna Steyr firearms manufacturer. Yes, a gun company that does cars for Mercedes-Benz. You heard that right. You can get through everything with this vehicle. It demands respect and scares thugs off. Less plastic, more metal. Heavy sturdy build. Has back and front metal bumpers. It’s big and boxy and can carry a lot of your prepps, and gallons of water. It has a big fuel tank. The differentials, if you ever saw one, the metal on these is so thick. They obviously didn’t spare the metal. The gearboxes are “a million mile”.

Stars like Justin Biebs drive G-Wagons around Hollywood Boulevard because they want to look ruff and tuff, but there’s more about this car than this. Grab a pair of BFGoodrich All Terrains and you’re ready to go in deep snow and not that deep mud, but still — mud. Or Mud Terrains for mud, but not that much snow. They won’t be able to grip good.

You can equip it with a winch too, just in case you need to pull yourself out of a mud pit.

The G-Wagons are expensive, more than the Jeep Wrangler, or the Bronco. Way more. But there’s areason for that too. A hell of a good reason. And the design hasn’t been changed for 40 years. Wonderwhy! They also come with massive engines. The G500 has a V8 petrol engine. You’re driving a tank forthe equivalent of a couple of bucks.

See a few videos below of the action:




SUV

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9. Paracord. You can’t just go without a paracord rope. You can make real climbing rope out of it, by the way. You can prepare food, make snare traps, catch bunnies, foxes, make human traps, create a shelter, isolate your shelter, make tents, everything. Get a lot of paracord. You’ll need a ton of it. And it’s cheap.

More about the paracord:

Parachute cord (also paracord or 550 cord when referring to type-III paracord) is a lightweight nylon kernmantle rope originally used in the suspension lines of parachutes. This cord is useful for many other tasks and is now used as a general purpose utility cord by both military personnel and civilians. This versatile cord was even used by astronauts during the 82nd Space Shuttle mission to repair the Hubble Space Telescope.

10. Hydration system like CamelBak. And a bunch of water purifying tablets. Having water with you is crucial. The hydration system lets you carry water on your back (3 liters). And you can drink while on the go. You can also use the same hydration pack for showering. Just fill it with water, position the nozzle, and shower in the woods like a boss, no problem.

11. Compass. If you don’t know where you’re going, what are you exactly doing? You can purchase a metal durable compass like the NDUR for $15.

12. Magnesium Fire Starter. So you can start your fire, as many times as you like. Yes, you can prepare fire like an neanderthal, but you’ll damage your palms and hands, and it takes a ton of time. And what if it’s wet and rain won’t stop pouring? Good luck, bro. Just grab a $10 magnesium flint lighter.

13. Spyderco pocket sharpener. If you can carry the Spyderco Tri-Angle sharpener — that’s great, man. If not, get a pocket sharpener, a small ceramic tile from Spyderco. It’s super small and light and costs nothing.

14. A Victorinox multi tool. A full sized one, not the Swiss little knife-y thing. Don’t buy Leatherman. I know they’re American, but the locking plates on the Charge TTI break for example, and the smaller models bend like rubber.

Everything else is not mandatory. You can survive without every little small thing people recommend you to have at all times. You don’t need sun lotion when people are trying to shoot you in the lungs.

As a bonus, if you have enough space, and you’re not walking by foot and have a car, you can get these things to make your life easier:

1. A shovel
2. An axe
3. More water
4. A lot of food
5. A pile of duct tape
6. Scissors
7. Super glue
8. Wet wipes
9. Cotton for fire starting and medicinal purposes
10. Rubbing alcohol
11. A graffiti spray in vivid color, so you mark trees and roads and signal
12. A signaling mirror
13. A whistle
14. Needles and thread
15. Mechanix gloves
16. Gore-Tex clothes and jackets
17. Gore-Tex boots
18. Tampons (for blood stopping; you can also temporarily plug a bleeding artery)

 

And so on.

See you on the other side! On the good side I hope.

gemini_tanker_blue_black gemini_green_green_black KONICA MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERA

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Top #7 Video Games for Old People. (old people gaming)

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old-people-gaming-grandpa

 Top #7 Video Games for Old People.(old people gaming)

This article is inspired by the fact that my grandpa couldn’t even hold the computer mouse properly. He even broke his arm once, trying to navigate the mouse cursor. And since I was home-schooled since first grade, I had to find a buddy to play with.

No, seriously. I was not home-schooled, but some people are. Some people are… But it’s a true story. Can you even imagine what these boys and girls do alone at home, without a play buddy? Grandpa personally thought that was cosmic technology and I had to prove him wrong. I had to prove that was human tech, made by human hands…or was it now?

And grandma? She was often so bored that she was destructive! I had to find her a new occupation during her free time. Both my grandparents are retirees, so you can imagine. My parents were all day working, so yeah. I also had my own agenda to get grandpa and grandma to support me so my parents could regularly buy me new and cool tech. They were old-fashioned.

Grandpa was a mailman in the USPS postal services. Grandma was for so many years a clerk in an old Pennsylvania clothing factory. They had old calculating machines and other mechanical goodies back in their time. But now since times are drastically changing, you adapt or die.

And to be honest, I wanted to brag in front of my school buddies, that my grandpa played CS:GO, Battlefield 3 and FIFA. I taught him all. I did it. He did it. Now I finished school a while ago, and I’m doing my own thing now, business and college, but still we play from time to time, still. The old days I miss…so much.

Yes, you can teach old people to play. They’re not retarded. Never forget that it’s their final days, their “final countdown”, and the only thing we can do right now, is be with them, support them, and make their humble boring life their last adventure. And greatest time in their lives that they’ll never forget.

 

MY PERSONAL TOP #7 GAMES TO PLAY IS THIS:

Battlefield 3 for PC: Super intense game. I can play that for ages! All day, all night, bebee! I purchased the game immediately after went out on the shelves, and I’ve playing it since day one! Price now is pretty cheap too, like pennies! This game will be suited for men, means grandpaps! It’s a boys’ game, not girls’ game. I tried convincing my GF to try it out, but she nearly knocked off my PC to the ground! From panic and from fear. So, a game for big boys. Vietnam vets will absolutely love the game. Or retired soldiers, policemen, firefighters, or just mailmen, lel. Who said mailmen can’t play games and have fun!? You racist! How dare you! 

 

Battlefield 1 for PC: Same as above. Absolutely stunning game, pure graphics experience, hard-core action, murders, shooting Nazis with tanks, dropping bombs on houses from the first planes introduced in anyone’s Air Force, and the battlegrounds are just so intense, and so beautiful. France, Belgium, whatever. The game is stunning. Great multi too. You can play with your paps and you can murder enemies together. Nothing better than some good ol’ family multi. And if your granpaps was in the Army or he was a Marine, he’d know all these old weapons in the game! No worries!

 


FIFA 18 for PS4: Let’s now jump to…yeah. Soccer was introduced to the States in the 90’s but quickly it became popular. So popular. Now everyone knows about Messi and who Cristiano Ronaldo is. David Beckham, your grandma knows him! Cheeky cheeky! Now FIFA is a game for both genders. A great wait to have some fun with friends, die laughing, vlog, make money off of it, bet money, gamble. No, did I just told you to gamble and bet money on your grandma or your grandpaps? No, you don’t do that! Only do that if the bets are more than 5:1, yaaahhh boooiiiii. Anyways, the latest FIFA games are so easy to play. Difficult with a keyboard, but easy with a joystick. Your elderly folks will need a few weeks, maybe a few months to get used to the combinations and keys, but after constant training, they’ll murder even you! And it’s a great way to help them relax. Your grandpa was probably a die-hard NFL fan, or he supported the Yankees! But he knows these sports to the backbone. Help him explore new areas of life and he or she will thank you in the afterlife! Do you remember the moment you got your first toy soldier, your first cellphone, and smartphone. Your first love. Your first kiss. That are the moments we remember! That are the moments we cherish so much! New can’t bed bad, man.

 

CS:GO (Counter-Strike GO) for PC: Who doesn’t know this freaking game!? It is so cool. I can play this for hours too. But it could be more unforgiving to new people. It’s on your tongue. Just say it. Just…say it please. I won’t be mad. I promise! YES. I wanted to call my grandpa a NOOB. A freaking noob. But I was a noob once too. Nothing shameful about that. Being a noob is a temporary state of your mind, your current poor elevation in the game, and your lack of any hand to eye coordination, or any coordination at all. You can launch bots and you and paps can murder some Artificial Intelligence. Specify low sensitivity of the mouse because noobs jump, let’s be honest. He’ll jump around and get scared a lot. Especially the headshots. Noobs are scared of the head-whooooooooops. Whoooooop. CS:GO can be a lot of fun especially when drunk. It’s not that serious game and a party can happen at any time! Bring the Vodka, ladies! “Grandma, no, that was just the expression. No, I don’t know any girls. Please, no, please, don’t take grandpa’s Sony PS4. Please grandma… No, he didn’t. I… It was me.”

PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds for PC: The best way for grandma to get her revenge and wipe out grandpa’s smile off his face. Or maybe someone else will be the last one to laugh. A game where only one player stays alive in the end. It’s a game similar to the Russian S.T.A.L.K.E.R. game, with a huge open world, where you roam the dusty farm roads and empty houses and gather endless piles of supplies. Here you must kill enemy players, everyone’s on its own, and the map gets smaller and smaller every few minutes. Eventually, your grandparents will see each other face to face, and that can’t be more fun! Weapons are insane. It’s a shooter game, but can be switched to a 3rd too (3rd person play / 3rd person view). Grandpaps can grenade your grandma too. Throw in a few metal pumpkins for the fun. Blow her @#$%&! with some bullets and grenades.

 

Call of Duty: WWII for PC: Again, best suited for men, for vets, and the single player mode of Call of Duty is always excruciating! You can’t just miss that. Give your grandpa some time to kick the AI’s @#$%&!. Don’t get me wrong. The multiplayer is pretty insane in Call of Duty too! But the kids are just more there. Maybe old people and mature people in general won’t like it that much. But maybe they still have the young spirit in them and want to play with some spoiled little brats. It’s really a personal preference.

 

Need for Speed (NFS) for PS4: Personally my favorite. I’m a car maniac. I love cars. Staying under cars. Drifting, drag racing them, showing off, and I absolutely love loud exhausts! Magnaflows, Cherry Bombs, all day long, baby! And let’s be honest here. Who doesn’t? And this is a game that your grandma will love too. Women by nature love to compare themselves to men, and try and “fight” them, try and win and show off, show they’re better. Well, I guess we’ll see. The cars are sick. From old to new. From American muscle, to Imports and JDM, to European boosted sick rides and Beemers. Ferraris. Lambos. Sick. Again, like the FIFA sports game, you only need a joystick. Far more easy to work with, not like the PC thing. And you can relax on your couch too. It’s not that tiring to just lie back and lazy-play and kick your opponent’s bottom parts.

I recommend you first start small. Introduce them to the cars’ world. PS4 is easy to work with for just about anyone. I’ve personally seen 7-year olds play like Pros, so just make your own conclusions if a 70 or 80-years old man or woman can learn. Of course they can! They’re not retarded. Just give them a chance. Old people usually refuse to play any games because they’re too afraid of rejection! They don’t want other people to make fun of them. So just be patient and repeat, repeat, repeat. Practice makes perfect.

Then you can move to shooter games, which are the most interesting thing that happened in the 21st century! Start with bots, launch them on “Easy”, and start the fun games. You can drink with grandpaps or grandma, so they can relax a bit. Have fun. Don’t take life too seriously. And don’t underestimate old people. Most of the times they want to play so much! But are just afraid. They want…

Because their life hasn’t ended yet. It’s only over when it’s over!

Vlog everything. Film it. Have the memories of your life. Even if they suck at it, it’d still be fun.

Over and out.

 

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9 Reasons Why You Should Start Smoking Weed

why you should start smoking weed

why-you-should-start-smoking-weed

9 Top Reasons Why You Should Start Smoking Weed

Why you should start smoking weed you may ask? Oh don’t get me started. I could be high right now as I write this. Maybe I am, maybe I am not. Millions of people have ridden of their pain and their midnight munchies go away. The fact is not one person has died from weed, but yet how many people have died from drinking alcohol? Hmm Let me show you the way to why you should start smoking weed!

 

1. Let’s Build a Snowman

Weed can spark tons of creativity. What do you do when you are bored? Smoke! What happens after you smoke? You think of the weirdest things, and it could be your next million dollar idea. You know that thing your holding in your hand called an iphone or ipod? Yes that is right, Steve Jobs got high too! Tons of artist smoke and let the juices flow. Whether you want to get high and build a snow man or crochet a blanket while high. It will spark tons of ideas.

 

2. Why You Should Start Smoking Weed To Stay Sane

Have you ever walked in to the office on a Monday, your boss is up your ass, and you coworkers are annoying the sh*t out of you. You feel angry and that you could snap any minute. Your about to transform into Jackie Chan, and round house kick off Brian’s head. You then relax and realize it is almost over and you got a big fat juicy bowl of weed at home, just waiting for you.

Reason you you should start smoking weed in your personal is because it can relax those tense moments. Nothing like a hard day at work and coming and taking few hits to say sane. That relaxing moment of Ahhhh! You shout “Victory” like a heathen.

Smoking helps relax the muscles in the body and helps relieve stress. Here is a study to show that micro dosing or even one puff of a blunt can help reduce stress.

 

3. Sleeping and Smoking Weed

I have to be honest, this is my favorite time to smoke weed. Long day at work, kid screaming his head off, mother in law driving me nuts! The end of the day is the best time to start smoking weed. Preferably a bowl. I am not a joint kind of guy.

Again the reason you should start smoking weed is to get a better night sleep. Take like 3-4 puffs, then bam your are right off to see the sandman. No not Metallica’s Sandman, F that song for being overplayed in the 90’s. Depending on the strain, but make sure you get Indica strains or you will be painting the bathroom your wife has been asking you to do for years.

4. The Magic Cure

The cannabis oil from weed plants has shown to treat all kinds of problems. Depression, anxiety, epilepsy, and anorexia. Boy, I sure like my hot pockets after smoking a fat bowl. The main reason why you should start smoking weed is because it is way more natural then taking these terrible drugs. Their are so many studies to how weed has helped patients as where to these drugs doctors just throw out like candy, don’t do anything. I wish the doc would give me some good stuff!

 

5. Everything is a Comedy

Everything is funny when you start smoking weed. You could be watching a horror movie and it will be funny. Of course some horror movies are just so bad, that they are funny. Your best bet is to watch a movie you find hilarious sober. Smoke a joint and watch it again. I promise you will laugh your ass off!  Big Lebowski, I am just saying.

 

6. Cannibas Corpse Music

Best reason why you should start smoking weed. Music sounds amazing high. I personally listen to metal. Man, getting high and headbanging to some Dying Fetus, man that is a good time. Nothing like killing some more brain cells.

The feeling high while listening to music is indescribable. You actually feel the kick of the bass in your whole body. The passion of vocals in the voice, and the thrash of the guitar. Wait, sorry, what was I talking about? Oh yea, music. It is also for when trying to write music. Try it sometime, Garth Brooks!

 

7. Weed Sex

Yes, you heard me. The guys just popped a boner and women are like where is my dealer when I need him! Studies show 1-3 women struggle to have an orgasm. See, there is a reason why you should start smoking weed. It increases the senses of things and it is helps get that fire started. Everybody wants love, and wants it. The exact reason why you should start smoking weed.

8. Weed and Violence

Crime would come down drastically, less road rage, and less shootings would happen. If we could go right down to the local gas station and grab a dime, I know that I could home safe. Dealing with shady people sucks, and you never know what you are going to get. Nobody would be driving mad because they would be relaxed. Maybe Kim Jong Un would be less an asshole and everybody would love Trump! Damn Democrats!

 

9. Drum Roll Please…….

Making the decision for why you should start smoking weed is quite obvious. There is no proof that weed has any terrible effects. The government has regulated it for a long time and it is time to legalize it everywhere. They controlled the liquor, tobacco and now holding weed is the last thing they got. We can set it free and let people choose to if they want to start smoking weed. For whatever the reason maybe. Enjoyment, relaxing, or whether for pain. Think about someone else’s needs, instead of your own agenda.

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Why You Should Start Smoking Weed – How To Whatever

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Chewing Tobacco Spittoon Online Guide for Rednecks

chew tobacco accessories

chew-tobacco-accessories

 

Chewing Tobacco Spittoon Online Funny How to Guide for Rednecks

 

chewing tobacco online

The ultimate chewing tobacco spittoon online funny how to guide for rednecks is finally here! You are going to laugh and you may even be grossed out by the end of this, but I am sure you can some how relate to the same snuff spit cup experiences just as I have. Shall we begin?

So according to the CDC’s chart we have here to our left. Roughly 6% of the 18 years and older, chew snuff. I wonder how many of them still have teeth left? And men guess what?, if your looking for that dream dipping women, I think your out of your luck. Well now that we know these useless facts, let’s get to the knitty gritty!

 



First Time Dippers

We all have our first time dipper stories. Before that was great and now we continue to be a slave to this little plastic can filled with mother nature’s leaves. Oh and some ground razor blades and battery acid. I am sure it is fine. Cough…CDC!…Cough!

I remember when I lost my virginity for the first time. No I am not talking about sex here. I’m talking bout putting a dip in you fool!  I was offered this gig at a metal festival by this chick I worked with at Taco Bell. Their is another story to this, but we need to keep this a G rating please. So I took this gig and when I got there, I was told to do parking lot duty. What a bummer!

So this guy has his trunk open an says “Hey you want some free chewing tobacco?”. I said “Sure”. So I took it and finished the gig. Later that night I took a dip, burned like a son of a b! Yeah, you know that feeling bro!

 

How To Tell Your Parents You Chew Snuff

You don’t tell them! They find out because your a moron and did not hide your can of snuff good enough. Your parents spend two grand on braces for your teeth, they are probably not going to be happy. Least they didn’t find your porn stash!

chewing tobacco spittoon

 

Chewing Tobacco Spittoon

Along with the jaw tearing benefits comes the great chewing tobacco spittoon or the snuff spit cup. You got 2 kinds of chewers.

  • Non-Spitters (Usually big burly men with long beards, and chest hair like a forest, and hot looking women. )

 

  • Spitters (You can usually find them at your local Walmart, carrying an empty bottle with them.)

 

Spitters are what makes the world go round. They are your average everyday hard working man. I am the reason you are able to post on Facebook on your little gadget you call a cellphone, but I call a laptop, so don’t knock on the spitters. Sounds like a terrible name for an alien movie.



 

The Top 9 Chewing Tobacco Spittoon Online Hits List

 

 

Strategically placed snuff spit cups

Us men know how to place them everywhere. One in the bedroom, bathroom, living room, kitchen, and the truck. We have to have them everywhere. Ladies, it is what we call Feng shui! I have to deal with your stupid candles, so I have to counter the attack.

 

Multiple spitters

Guilty! I have had up to three or four chewing tobacco spittoons all in one spot. Listen their is a reason. If one gets full, you got a back up. No waiting until a commercial comes on, or waiting for the match of Call of Duty to be over to spit. We just tend to fill them up and forget about them.

 

Anything is game

You are sitting on the couch, and you just put the biggest dip of your life in. Ten minutes later, you realized you don’t have spitter. Sh*t what do I do? You quickly react and ask your wife to chug the rest of the water in her bottle. Bam! Wife saves the day!

We will spit in just about anything. Water bottles, soda pop cans, shower tub, urinals and gallon tea jugs. This has gotten me in trouble as well. Me and my buddies were driving and we stopped at that gas station to get some drinks. I bought a coke of course.I already had a coke bottle half full of spit in the car. Then we take off driving along, driving along, I picked up my one to drink and accidentally and felt the slimy chunks run down my throat. I slammed on the breaks, threw open the door and puked my guts out. So be careful, watch your diet cokes very very carefully.

 

Spittoon Derailment

How many times have you left your chewing tobacco spittoon with out the cap on or spit cup to where it can get knocked over? Thousands, I tell you! The humanity! Tobacco spit does not come out of carpets very well. We all know this. Look guys, I am just trying to save you from your wife’s! Or has your your new born came over to take a look and think’s it’s something they can put in their mouth! Yep, fess up you been their!chewing tobacco online

Choose your tobacco accessories very carefully! If it is a bottle keep the lid on and rip the label off. Just do it damn it, cause if I drink your spit, I am going to be pissed. Choose an online bought spill proof spittoon. They are convenient, and they come with a lid. No more spilling your spit on your buddies when your drunk out of your mind.

 

 

Sleeping while chewing

Yes we have all woken up, choking on our spit. Falling asleep and waking up choking sucks! You scramble to grab whatever your chewing tobacco spittoon and get it out of your mouth before your friends say “what a tragedy, he choked on his own snuff.”. Do you know how embarrassing that would be. You can’t go out like that man!

 

Wet Wads! Oh My!

Stop leaving your wads of snuff in the walking path! We have all gotten out of the car and seen Uncle Jedediah’s big ole wad laying in the parking lot. Staring up at us just like we had seen a ghost. Is it really that hard to to throw it in a spittoon or the trash can you just walked by walking into the front entrance of Walmart. Come on!

Also their is nothing like going to the the public bathroom and hanging your junk over big old wad while trying to not hit it with your piss. Nothing like the lovey aroma of dehydrated piss and Cherry Skoal. Hmmm.. Maybe they should make that into a candle scent.

 

why am I spitting so much

 

Packing your can

Every redneck knows that it is crucial we pack our snuff. Listen up noobs! Rule number one! Pack your can or face the consequences. Try putting a loose dip in! You will end up like this guy —>

Rule number 2. Make sure your lid is on tight. Having the lid on loose and trying to pack it, turns in to a snuff shower. Least your couch will smell fresh and minty. Unless you chew Copenhagen, then it will smell like you just rolled in some dirt and haven’t taken a shower in a 9 days. Here is a little tutorial on how to pack your snuff.

Never run out

Carrying multiple cans of snuff means life or death. Survival of the fittest! Running out of chewing tobacco is like losing your pet iguana. First comes anger, then sadness. You will be missed Joey!

I always carry a minimal of 3 cans. It is the perfect number. One for breakfast, lunch, dinner. Easy to remember right? 3 cans will get through the day, carrying anymore in your pocket, people are start thinking you have a hip problem.

Always save bottles for your chewing tobacco spittoon. One time I was at a stop light and this truck pulled up next to me. I happen to look over and I saw this redneck turn his head to the passenger side, and just spit right on the floor of the truck! You don’t want the floor boards of your 57 Chevy rotting out, with your rebel flags flapping in the wind.

 

Putt a dip in before you die

I don’t know about you, but I have to put a dip in right before I do anything. I put a dip in before work, before playing a game, before I take a sh*t, and just about before anything. It is like warming up at the gym before you go slam some weights around. It’s like getting ready for that next fight. If I had to save someone hanging off a cliff, I would have to put in a dip first. Hope I have a dip in before I die.

 

Well ladies and gentlemen that wraps up the top 9 chewing tobacco spittoon online hit list. I hope you have enjoyed this article, and I am sure some of you rednecks can relate. Yes I know chewing tobacco spittoons are gross, but hey, it is a funny how to topic! Thank you and see you next time.

 

chewing tobacco spittoon

 

 

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