Top #7 Video Games for Old People. (old people gaming)

old-people-gaming-grandpa

old-people-gaming-grandpa

 Top #7 Video Games for Old People.(old people gaming)

This article is inspired by the fact that my grandpa couldn’t even hold the computer mouse properly. He even broke his arm once, trying to navigate the mouse cursor. And since I was home-schooled since first grade, I had to find a buddy to play with.

No, seriously. I was not home-schooled, but some people are. Some people are… But it’s a true story. Can you even imagine what these boys and girls do alone at home, without a play buddy? Grandpa personally thought that was cosmic technology and I had to prove him wrong. I had to prove that was human tech, made by human hands…or was it now?

And grandma? She was often so bored that she was destructive! I had to find her a new occupation during her free time. Both my grandparents are retirees, so you can imagine. My parents were all day working, so yeah. I also had my own agenda to get grandpa and grandma to support me so my parents could regularly buy me new and cool tech. They were old-fashioned.

Grandpa was a mailman in the USPS postal services. Grandma was for so many years a clerk in an old Pennsylvania clothing factory. They had old calculating machines and other mechanical goodies back in their time. But now since times are drastically changing, you adapt or die.

And to be honest, I wanted to brag in front of my school buddies, that my grandpa played CS:GO, Battlefield 3 and FIFA. I taught him all. I did it. He did it. Now I finished school a while ago, and I’m doing my own thing now, business and college, but still we play from time to time, still. The old days I miss…so much.

Yes, you can teach old people to play. They’re not retarded. Never forget that it’s their final days, their “final countdown”, and the only thing we can do right now, is be with them, support them, and make their humble boring life their last adventure. And greatest time in their lives that they’ll never forget.

 

MY PERSONAL TOP #7 GAMES TO PLAY IS THIS:

Battlefield 3 for PC: Super intense game. I can play that for ages! All day, all night, bebee! I purchased the game immediately after went out on the shelves, and I’ve playing it since day one! Price now is pretty cheap too, like pennies! This game will be suited for men, means grandpaps! It’s a boys’ game, not girls’ game. I tried convincing my GF to try it out, but she nearly knocked off my PC to the ground! From panic and from fear. So, a game for big boys. Vietnam vets will absolutely love the game. Or retired soldiers, policemen, firefighters, or just mailmen, lel. Who said mailmen can’t play games and have fun!? You racist! How dare you! 

 

Battlefield 1 for PC: Same as above. Absolutely stunning game, pure graphics experience, hard-core action, murders, shooting Nazis with tanks, dropping bombs on houses from the first planes introduced in anyone’s Air Force, and the battlegrounds are just so intense, and so beautiful. France, Belgium, whatever. The game is stunning. Great multi too. You can play with your paps and you can murder enemies together. Nothing better than some good ol’ family multi. And if your granpaps was in the Army or he was a Marine, he’d know all these old weapons in the game! No worries!

 


FIFA 18 for PS4: Let’s now jump to…yeah. Soccer was introduced to the States in the 90’s but quickly it became popular. So popular. Now everyone knows about Messi and who Cristiano Ronaldo is. David Beckham, your grandma knows him! Cheeky cheeky! Now FIFA is a game for both genders. A great wait to have some fun with friends, die laughing, vlog, make money off of it, bet money, gamble. No, did I just told you to gamble and bet money on your grandma or your grandpaps? No, you don’t do that! Only do that if the bets are more than 5:1, yaaahhh boooiiiii. Anyways, the latest FIFA games are so easy to play. Difficult with a keyboard, but easy with a joystick. Your elderly folks will need a few weeks, maybe a few months to get used to the combinations and keys, but after constant training, they’ll murder even you! And it’s a great way to help them relax. Your grandpa was probably a die-hard NFL fan, or he supported the Yankees! But he knows these sports to the backbone. Help him explore new areas of life and he or she will thank you in the afterlife! Do you remember the moment you got your first toy soldier, your first cellphone, and smartphone. Your first love. Your first kiss. That are the moments we remember! That are the moments we cherish so much! New can’t bed bad, man.

 

CS:GO (Counter-Strike GO) for PC: Who doesn’t know this freaking game!? It is so cool. I can play this for hours too. But it could be more unforgiving to new people. It’s on your tongue. Just say it. Just…say it please. I won’t be mad. I promise! YES. I wanted to call my grandpa a NOOB. A freaking noob. But I was a noob once too. Nothing shameful about that. Being a noob is a temporary state of your mind, your current poor elevation in the game, and your lack of any hand to eye coordination, or any coordination at all. You can launch bots and you and paps can murder some Artificial Intelligence. Specify low sensitivity of the mouse because noobs jump, let’s be honest. He’ll jump around and get scared a lot. Especially the headshots. Noobs are scared of the head-whooooooooops. Whoooooop. CS:GO can be a lot of fun especially when drunk. It’s not that serious game and a party can happen at any time! Bring the Vodka, ladies! “Grandma, no, that was just the expression. No, I don’t know any girls. Please, no, please, don’t take grandpa’s Sony PS4. Please grandma… No, he didn’t. I… It was me.”

PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds for PC: The best way for grandma to get her revenge and wipe out grandpa’s smile off his face. Or maybe someone else will be the last one to laugh. A game where only one player stays alive in the end. It’s a game similar to the Russian S.T.A.L.K.E.R. game, with a huge open world, where you roam the dusty farm roads and empty houses and gather endless piles of supplies. Here you must kill enemy players, everyone’s on its own, and the map gets smaller and smaller every few minutes. Eventually, your grandparents will see each other face to face, and that can’t be more fun! Weapons are insane. It’s a shooter game, but can be switched to a 3rd too (3rd person play / 3rd person view). Grandpaps can grenade your grandma too. Throw in a few metal pumpkins for the fun. Blow her @#$%&! with some bullets and grenades.

 

Call of Duty: WWII for PC: Again, best suited for men, for vets, and the single player mode of Call of Duty is always excruciating! You can’t just miss that. Give your grandpa some time to kick the AI’s @#$%&!. Don’t get me wrong. The multiplayer is pretty insane in Call of Duty too! But the kids are just more there. Maybe old people and mature people in general won’t like it that much. But maybe they still have the young spirit in them and want to play with some spoiled little brats. It’s really a personal preference.

 

Need for Speed (NFS) for PS4: Personally my favorite. I’m a car maniac. I love cars. Staying under cars. Drifting, drag racing them, showing off, and I absolutely love loud exhausts! Magnaflows, Cherry Bombs, all day long, baby! And let’s be honest here. Who doesn’t? And this is a game that your grandma will love too. Women by nature love to compare themselves to men, and try and “fight” them, try and win and show off, show they’re better. Well, I guess we’ll see. The cars are sick. From old to new. From American muscle, to Imports and JDM, to European boosted sick rides and Beemers. Ferraris. Lambos. Sick. Again, like the FIFA sports game, you only need a joystick. Far more easy to work with, not like the PC thing. And you can relax on your couch too. It’s not that tiring to just lie back and lazy-play and kick your opponent’s bottom parts.

I recommend you first start small. Introduce them to the cars’ world. PS4 is easy to work with for just about anyone. I’ve personally seen 7-year olds play like Pros, so just make your own conclusions if a 70 or 80-years old man or woman can learn. Of course they can! They’re not retarded. Just give them a chance. Old people usually refuse to play any games because they’re too afraid of rejection! They don’t want other people to make fun of them. So just be patient and repeat, repeat, repeat. Practice makes perfect.

Then you can move to shooter games, which are the most interesting thing that happened in the 21st century! Start with bots, launch them on “Easy”, and start the fun games. You can drink with grandpaps or grandma, so they can relax a bit. Have fun. Don’t take life too seriously. And don’t underestimate old people. Most of the times they want to play so much! But are just afraid. They want…

Because their life hasn’t ended yet. It’s only over when it’s over!

Vlog everything. Film it. Have the memories of your life. Even if they suck at it, it’d still be fun.

Over and out.

 

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Really Funny Joke Mini Series – Public Restrooms

Really Funny Joke Mini Series Public Restrooms

Really Funny Joke Mini Series Public Restrooms

Really Funny Joke Mini Series Guide #1 – How To Public Restrooms

Going to the public restroom can be a really funny joke sometimes. The feeling having to use the public restroom can make your skin crawl. Everybody loves when they get that grumbling sound in their stomach when they are out in a public place. We all know that feeling, and when it comes time to choose the best toilet seat in a restroom, it can be hell! So let’s get started! How to Public Restrooms!

 

Keys to the Golden Throne

It is a really funny joke when you have to ask for keys to the bathroom. Am I not good enough to use your bathroom? This usually means you should not be using this bathroom. They keep it locked up for all the junkies. You don’t want sit on that toilet, you might get crabs or chlamydia. Avoid bathrooms that you need to ask for keys! If you wont do it for yourself, do it for your children for god sake!

 

Self Heated Toilet Seat

Sure, I am sure their are some of you that own your very own heated best toilet seat money can buy. I bet you were not thinking about the last person that sat on that potty!. All the stalls are locked and you see a big burly 400 pound fat man walk out one of them. What do you do?, but you have to go really bad. You risk it, clinching your teeth as you feel the warmth. Ha! Want to puke yet? We have all done it, but try to avoid this if you haven’t, it is a terrible feeling.

 

Curly Q’s

Double check your seat next time before you sit down. The last person that could have been their, might have been Sasquatch pinching off a deer loaf. How many people like the so called public hair anymore? Shave that sh*t you gorilla. So if you see a toilet seat with curly q’s on them and decide to sit on it, you better rethink your life choices.

 

Sanitizer Is Your Best Friend

All clean jokes aside. Sanitizer can be your best friend. Always carry a bottle in your back pocket for most dirty situations. You can squirt a piece of tissue and wipe it off. Bam!, you got the cleanest best toilet seat ever! Plus you can use it to put on your hands after shaking hand’s with your boss. We all know boss’s don’t wash their hands after going to the bathroom.

 

Toilet Battle Armor

Some bathrooms have seat covers. Battle up and slay that dragon! You know you found a good bathroom to pinch a loaf in, if they have toilet seat covers. You can even double your protection, by using your sanitizer and using a cover.

 

That wraps it up for the Really Funny Joke Mini Series – Public Restrooms Guide. I have one more thing to ask, when you go the bathroom to do number 2. Do you pull fold your toilet paper, or do you crumble it up to wipe? Hey, who would think of these things? Let me know in the comments if this is entertaining, Thanks!

 

Really Funny Joke Mini Series – Public Restrooms – How to Whatever

 

 

 

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Chewing Tobacco Spittoon Online Guide for Rednecks

chew tobacco accessories

chew-tobacco-accessories

 

Chewing Tobacco Spittoon Online Funny How to Guide for Rednecks

 

chewing tobacco online

The ultimate chewing tobacco spittoon online funny how to guide for rednecks is finally here! You are going to laugh and you may even be grossed out by the end of this, but I am sure you can some how relate to the same snuff spit cup experiences just as I have. Shall we begin?

So according to the CDC’s chart we have here to our left. Roughly 6% of the 18 years and older, chew snuff. I wonder how many of them still have teeth left? And men guess what?, if your looking for that dream dipping women, I think your out of your luck. Well now that we know these useless facts, let’s get to the knitty gritty!

 



First Time Dippers

We all have our first time dipper stories. Before that was great and now we continue to be a slave to this little plastic can filled with mother nature’s leaves. Oh and some ground razor blades and battery acid. I am sure it is fine. Cough…CDC!…Cough!

I remember when I lost my virginity for the first time. No I am not talking about sex here. I’m talking bout putting a dip in you fool!  I was offered this gig at a metal festival by this chick I worked with at Taco Bell. Their is another story to this, but we need to keep this a G rating please. So I took this gig and when I got there, I was told to do parking lot duty. What a bummer!

So this guy has his trunk open an says “Hey you want some free chewing tobacco?”. I said “Sure”. So I took it and finished the gig. Later that night I took a dip, burned like a son of a b! Yeah, you know that feeling bro!

 

How To Tell Your Parents You Chew Snuff

You don’t tell them! They find out because your a moron and did not hide your can of snuff good enough. Your parents spend two grand on braces for your teeth, they are probably not going to be happy. Least they didn’t find your porn stash!

chewing tobacco spittoon

 

Chewing Tobacco Spittoon

Along with the jaw tearing benefits comes the great chewing tobacco spittoon or the snuff spit cup. You got 2 kinds of chewers.

  • Non-Spitters (Usually big burly men with long beards, and chest hair like a forest, and hot looking women. )

 

  • Spitters (You can usually find them at your local Walmart, carrying an empty bottle with them.)

 

Spitters are what makes the world go round. They are your average everyday hard working man. I am the reason you are able to post on Facebook on your little gadget you call a cellphone, but I call a laptop, so don’t knock on the spitters. Sounds like a terrible name for an alien movie.



 

The Top 9 Chewing Tobacco Spittoon Online Hits List

 

 

Strategically placed snuff spit cups

Us men know how to place them everywhere. One in the bedroom, bathroom, living room, kitchen, and the truck. We have to have them everywhere. Ladies, it is what we call Feng shui! I have to deal with your stupid candles, so I have to counter the attack.

 

Multiple spitters

Guilty! I have had up to three or four chewing tobacco spittoons all in one spot. Listen their is a reason. If one gets full, you got a back up. No waiting until a commercial comes on, or waiting for the match of Call of Duty to be over to spit. We just tend to fill them up and forget about them.

 

Anything is game

You are sitting on the couch, and you just put the biggest dip of your life in. Ten minutes later, you realized you don’t have spitter. Sh*t what do I do? You quickly react and ask your wife to chug the rest of the water in her bottle. Bam! Wife saves the day!

We will spit in just about anything. Water bottles, soda pop cans, shower tub, urinals and gallon tea jugs. This has gotten me in trouble as well. Me and my buddies were driving and we stopped at that gas station to get some drinks. I bought a coke of course.I already had a coke bottle half full of spit in the car. Then we take off driving along, driving along, I picked up my one to drink and accidentally and felt the slimy chunks run down my throat. I slammed on the breaks, threw open the door and puked my guts out. So be careful, watch your diet cokes very very carefully.

 

Spittoon Derailment

How many times have you left your chewing tobacco spittoon with out the cap on or spit cup to where it can get knocked over? Thousands, I tell you! The humanity! Tobacco spit does not come out of carpets very well. We all know this. Look guys, I am just trying to save you from your wife’s! Or has your your new born came over to take a look and think’s it’s something they can put in their mouth! Yep, fess up you been their!chewing tobacco online

Choose your tobacco accessories very carefully! If it is a bottle keep the lid on and rip the label off. Just do it damn it, cause if I drink your spit, I am going to be pissed. Choose an online bought spill proof spittoon. They are convenient, and they come with a lid. No more spilling your spit on your buddies when your drunk out of your mind.

 

 

Sleeping while chewing

Yes we have all woken up, choking on our spit. Falling asleep and waking up choking sucks! You scramble to grab whatever your chewing tobacco spittoon and get it out of your mouth before your friends say “what a tragedy, he choked on his own snuff.”. Do you know how embarrassing that would be. You can’t go out like that man!

 

Wet Wads! Oh My!

Stop leaving your wads of snuff in the walking path! We have all gotten out of the car and seen Uncle Jedediah’s big ole wad laying in the parking lot. Staring up at us just like we had seen a ghost. Is it really that hard to to throw it in a spittoon or the trash can you just walked by walking into the front entrance of Walmart. Come on!

Also their is nothing like going to the the public bathroom and hanging your junk over big old wad while trying to not hit it with your piss. Nothing like the lovey aroma of dehydrated piss and Cherry Skoal. Hmmm.. Maybe they should make that into a candle scent.

 

why am I spitting so much

 

Packing your can

Every redneck knows that it is crucial we pack our snuff. Listen up noobs! Rule number one! Pack your can or face the consequences. Try putting a loose dip in! You will end up like this guy —>

Rule number 2. Make sure your lid is on tight. Having the lid on loose and trying to pack it, turns in to a snuff shower. Least your couch will smell fresh and minty. Unless you chew Copenhagen, then it will smell like you just rolled in some dirt and haven’t taken a shower in a 9 days. Here is a little tutorial on how to pack your snuff.

Never run out

Carrying multiple cans of snuff means life or death. Survival of the fittest! Running out of chewing tobacco is like losing your pet iguana. First comes anger, then sadness. You will be missed Joey!

I always carry a minimal of 3 cans. It is the perfect number. One for breakfast, lunch, dinner. Easy to remember right? 3 cans will get through the day, carrying anymore in your pocket, people are start thinking you have a hip problem.

Always save bottles for your chewing tobacco spittoon. One time I was at a stop light and this truck pulled up next to me. I happen to look over and I saw this redneck turn his head to the passenger side, and just spit right on the floor of the truck! You don’t want the floor boards of your 57 Chevy rotting out, with your rebel flags flapping in the wind.

 

Putt a dip in before you die

I don’t know about you, but I have to put a dip in right before I do anything. I put a dip in before work, before playing a game, before I take a sh*t, and just about before anything. It is like warming up at the gym before you go slam some weights around. It’s like getting ready for that next fight. If I had to save someone hanging off a cliff, I would have to put in a dip first. Hope I have a dip in before I die.

 

Well ladies and gentlemen that wraps up the top 9 chewing tobacco spittoon online hit list. I hope you have enjoyed this article, and I am sure some of you rednecks can relate. Yes I know chewing tobacco spittoons are gross, but hey, it is a funny how to topic! Thank you and see you next time.

 

chewing tobacco spittoon

 

 

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